my psyche

here again, am writing about the feelings that crack me up.
the stupidity that overwhelms this emotional woman.
for all the pain that caused every tear in her eyes.
for every smile that tried to mask a million cries.
for every hope she made that the pain would numb her already.
for those nights she lay awake,
if not slept with loneliness by her side.
for all the martyrdom.
for all the insanity.
for all the times her heart and mind battled.

for all the times she wished to die.
i am the antagonist of my own monster..but i can't summon a fight.